Another member of our message board told me about the “You might be a Nigerian scammer” list on EbolaMonkey.com, and I wanted to share parts of it with you.
You might be a Nigerian Scammer if . . .
YOU WRITE IN ALL CAPS.
You refuse to use spell check and think that Courier is the only font in the world.
You hate Americans.
You confuse American last names with first name. Ex. Smith Adam or Williams Brian
When someone asks you for a picture, you look for the nearest magazine. (or modeling website)
You always put DR. in front of your name, no matter what the situation. Even if you are not a doctor.
You become extremely angry when you catch someone lying, even though everthing about you and what you are doing is a lie.
You have trouble keeping your lies straight.
You introduce yourself as a Prince or a King.
Your father or husband was a Nigerian General.
The new President of Nigeria is seeking vengence on your family because your father or husband confirmed a life prison sentence on him when he was in charge.
People around you tend to get assassinated, poisoned, or killed in a plane crash.
You write in the most contrived, archaic, and atrocious English.
You try to capitalize off human misery (e.g. mutilations in Sierra Leone, the September 11th attacks)
You have $25-$100 million dollars just laying aroundatrocity
You address everyone as “friend” or “dear”
Everything is “confidential.”
You are a prestigious International Banker and you have a Yahoo or Hotmail email address. Even if you are trying to be secretive, the best you can come up with is a yahoo email address because you aren’t smart enough to log into register.com and register a fake domain name.
You are an ex-general who got converted to Christianity and now wants to make amends to God by sending a stranger the $ 25 million you stole from your country.
You are the wife of the deceased state employee whose husband stole all this $11, 000,000. but got converted to Christianity before his death and wants you to “invest it all in Christian work in the US to make amends for his sins against God.”.
A contract was over invoiced/overcharged by $25 million and the money is now “floating” in a suspense account at the Central Bank of Nigeria under your sole control.
You have resolved to share 35% of your fortune with a complete stranger for taking absolutely no risk whatsoever.
You are The Chairman in charge of Minting and Printing at Central Bank of Nigeria and you control the Nigeria Remittance Office. Not only can you supply any document needed to prove these funds exist, you can also print any document needed to authorise release of the funds to a complete stranger.
All you require to make someone rich is YOUR NAME, COMPANY`S NAME, ADDRESS , TELEFAX NUMBER. YOUR BANK NAME ,ADDRESS, TELEFAX NUMBER. YOUR BANK ACCOUNT NUMBER AND BENEFICIARY NAME.
You are a high official at Nigerian Petroleum holding on to millions in over-billings.
You have a motorcycle for sale on EBAY for an extremely low price and your will to ship it for free for a small deposit of $2000.
By some strange coincidence You and your trusted barrister and/or other associate always read and write your emails mere minutes apart on the same computer.
You are a destitute political refugee living in a camp on the boarder of some country, but you still manage the daily trip to a cyber cafe in Logos, Nigeria in order to check your email.
When you get caught trying to scam someone, you use the “I’m doing this because the white man robbed me and made us Africans slaves” excuse. Even though you have no idea of the ethnicity of the person you are robbing, disregarding the possibility that you could be stealing from someone who has African ancestry.
You pose for a photo with a loaf of bread on your head
-dont know what these mean:
Bendme Overand Dome
I Love Juanking
Will U Phystme
You “monitor” emails rather than read them.
Need money urgently so your child can have an vital operation tomorrow, for weeks.
Work for a African bank and can rip them off with just a USA bank account and $200.
Ask a stranger to help you secretly rip off a bank etc.