A little humor

Another member of our message board told me about the “You might be a Nigerian scammer” list on EbolaMonkey.com, and I wanted to share parts of it with you.

You might be a Nigerian Scammer if . . .

YOU WRITE IN ALL CAPS.

You refuse to use spell check and think that Courier is the only font in the world.

You hate Americans.

You confuse American last names with first name. Ex. Smith Adam or Williams Brian

When someone asks you for a picture, you look for the nearest magazine. (or modeling website)

You always put DR. in front of your name, no matter what the situation. Even if you are not a doctor.

You become extremely angry when you catch someone lying, even though everthing about you and what you are doing is a lie.

You have trouble keeping your lies straight.

You introduce yourself as a Prince or a King.

Your father or husband was a Nigerian General.

The new President of Nigeria is seeking vengence on your family because your father or husband confirmed a life prison sentence on him when he was in charge.

People around you tend to get assassinated, poisoned, or killed in a plane crash.

You write in the most contrived, archaic, and atrocious English.

You try to capitalize off human misery (e.g. mutilations in Sierra Leone, the September 11th attacks)

You have $25-$100 million dollars just laying aroundatrocity

You address everyone as “friend” or “dear”

Everything is “confidential.”

You are a prestigious International Banker and you have a Yahoo or Hotmail email address. Even if you are trying to be secretive, the best you can come up with is a yahoo email address because you aren’t smart enough to log into register.com and register a fake domain name.

You are an ex-general who got converted to Christianity and now wants to make amends to God by sending a stranger the $ 25 million you stole from your country.

You are the wife of the deceased state employee whose husband stole all this $11, 000,000. but got converted to Christianity before his death and wants you to “invest it all in Christian work in the US to make amends for his sins against God.”.

A contract was over invoiced/overcharged by $25 million and the money is now “floating” in a suspense account at the Central Bank of Nigeria under your sole control.

You have resolved to share 35% of your fortune with a complete stranger for taking absolutely no risk whatsoever.

You are The Chairman in charge of Minting and Printing at Central Bank of Nigeria and you control the Nigeria Remittance Office. Not only can you supply any document needed to prove these funds exist, you can also print any document needed to authorise release of the funds to a complete stranger.

All you require to make someone rich is YOUR NAME, COMPANY`S NAME, ADDRESS , TELEFAX NUMBER. YOUR BANK NAME ,ADDRESS, TELEFAX NUMBER. YOUR BANK ACCOUNT NUMBER AND BENEFICIARY NAME.

You are a high official at Nigerian Petroleum holding on to millions in over-billings.

You have a motorcycle for sale on EBAY for an extremely low price and your will to ship it for free for a small deposit of $2000.

By some strange coincidence You and your trusted barrister and/or other associate always read and write your emails mere minutes apart on the same computer.

You are a destitute political refugee living in a camp on the boarder of some country, but you still manage the daily trip to a cyber cafe in Logos, Nigeria in order to check your email.

When you get caught trying to scam someone, you use the “I’m doing this because the white man robbed me and made us Africans slaves” excuse. Even though you have no idea of the ethnicity of the person you are robbing, disregarding the possibility that you could be stealing from someone who has African ancestry.

You pose for a photo with a loaf of bread on your head

-dont know what these mean:
Ivannastiff Kockupmianus
Iama Dildo
Bendme Overand Dome
I Love Juanking
Will U Phystme
Iblowdudes
Anita Cox
Humpin Bois
Butt-Plugg

You “monitor” emails rather than read them.

Need money urgently so your child can have an vital operation tomorrow, for weeks.

Work for a African bank and can rip them off with just a USA bank account and $200.

Ask a stranger to help you secretly rip off a bank etc.

————–

Compensation for Scam Victims

Don’t get too excited thinking that I am going to share with you the secret to recovering money that you lost to a scam. Nope . . . it is just the title for the scam email that I want to share with you this week.

From: dr.jfisher55@gmail.com;

COMPENSATION AWARD FOR SCAM VICTIMS

Hello,

I’m Dr. John Fisher… ed. T.H.Turner (London, 1855), Coll. No. *VIII, II, 263-272. 10) – Erasmus, Ep., I, 415, I’m 51yrs Old. I’m one of those that took part in the Compensation in awards many years ago and they refused to pay me, I had paid over $18,000 while in the London, trying to get my payment all to no avail.

So I decided to travel down to the Compensation and lottery company with all my compensation documents, And I was directed to meet Mr. Larry Gold, who is the member of COMPENSATION AWARD AUTHORITY and a Human Rights Activist (Lawyer), and I contacted him and he explained everything to me. He said whoever is contacting us through emails are fake.

He took me to the paying bank for the claim of my Compensation payment. Right now I’m the most happiest man on earth because I have received my compensation funds amounteing to $750,000 Moreover, Mr. Larry Gold, showed me the full information of those that are yet to receive their payments and I saw your email as one of the scam victims, that is why I decided to email you to stop dealing with those people, they are not with your fund, they are only making money out of you. I will advise you to contact Mr. Larry Gold

You have to contact him directly on this information below.

COMPENSATION AWARD AUTHORITY

Name : Mr. Larry Gold (Barrister)
Email: barristerlarrygold@lawyer.com
Telephone: +8613925551141

You really have to stop dealing with those people that are contacting you and telling you that your fund is with them, it is not in anyway with them, they are only taking advantage of you and they will dry you up until you have nothing.

The only money I paid after I met Mr. Larry Gold was just $350 USD for the paper works, take note of that.

Thank You and Be Blessed.

Dr. John Fisher… ed. T.H.Turner (London, 1855),
Coll. No. *VIII, II, 263-272. 10) – Erasmus,
Ep. Education: BS, Business Administration

dr.jfisher52@gmail.com

—————————–

So how do we know this is a scam? If there really was a way to recover the money lost in a scam the information would be all over the news and on every government website so that all scam victims could contact the correct people and recover their money.

Second, a Google search of the phone number shows that it is listed on MANY scam fighting sites, and that it is a phone number from China. Strange . . . the person in this email claims to be in London.

He even tries to tell you that you need to stop listening to the scammers because they will only lie to you and drain your funds . . . this is the only truthful thing in this email.

Identity Theft

As some of you know, I am a big supporter of Denise Richardson and GiveMeBackMyCredit.com, so I want to share her triumphs with all of you.

Denise was recently interviewed for an article called No One is Safe: Identity Theft in Modern Times.

Here is a portion of the article

When Richardson went to apply for a separate loan, it became shockingly clear that Shawmut Bank, her mortgage lender, had incorrectly calculated her monthly payments and, in some instances, simply didn’t apply the payments at all. Richardson then took the initiative to review the payment records — both her own via the coupon stubs as well as what little information that the bank had on file — but due to Shawmut’s repeated miscalculations, it became completely hopeless to verify the remaining balance on her mortgage account.

Richardson did not, however, sit back passively and allow the Shawmut Bank to take advantage of her. In fact, she filed a federal lawsuit against the company to amend their financial faults and hinder further maltreatment from happening to others.

Richardson’s history of inaccurate credit reports does not end there. In 2001 she again became a victim of fraud, this time in the form of $9,000 worth of airline tickets charged to her credit card by an unknown identity thief. Then again in December 2009, her credit card was charged with cable billing fees from a company other than her own cable provider. In regards to all three instances, Richardson remarks, “It’s something that I didn’t even do.”

To read the article in full go to No One is Safe: Identity Theft in Modern Times.

Protect the Consumer!

Our friends at Americans for Fairness in Lending asked me to share some great information with you about a new site that they are involved with called ProtectTheConsumer.org and their recent webinar with Professor Elisabeth Warren about financial reform. If you missed the webinar, you can listen to it here.

Professor Warren emphasized, we can’t win this fight without everyone’s help. The big banks will always be able to outspend consumers, so it’s up to us to make sure our voices are heard as the Senate considers financial reform legislation. Use your words to make a difference by taking action today!

Scam Victims Arrested – adding insult to injury

Being arrested can be one of the most frightening experiences for a person, but when you add that to being the victim of a scam, you can defiantly feel like you are on an emotional roller-coaster.

Most people know the saying “Innocent until proven guilty” but the scam victims that I have spoken with that have been arrested would say that they were seen as guilty until they could prove they were innocent. Why is this? Over the years some businesses and banking institutions have gotten better at detecting a counterfeit cashier’s check or money order, but instead of warning the customer that the item is a counterfeit and that they are involved in a scam, they instead call the police into the matter and press criminal charges against the customer. These businesses and financial institutions will charge that the customer was aware that the document was counterfeit and that they were trying to defraud them . . . basically, that they were in on the scam. Most times the customer is truly an innocent person who really believed that the cashier’s check sent to them was good, or was only going to the bank to ask them to verify it and then before they know it then end up in handcuffs in a police department.

If you find yourself in this situation you need to read the document “The At Risk of Arrest and Arrested Fraud Victim Manual” This document will cover you and your relationship with law enforcement, your attorney, how to write a narrative of what happened to you, as well as defining some of the legal terms that you will hear so that you know better what to expect.


One of the really important things that this document says is that if you are a fraud/scam victim and you feel you are at risk of being arrested, keep a copy of this manual with you at all times. If something happens, you can refer to this document so that you don’t panic and say or do something that will make your situation worse. NEVER wave you Miranda Rights.


While we were never arrested in our case, I do understand the feeling of panic of becoming a scam victim. My first thoughts were “Who do I call? Where do I report this?” That is exactly why we have the Resources page on our site. When you feel like your world has been turned upside-down and you don’t know what to do, write up one letter that includes all of the information on what happened . . . names, dates, who said what and when . . . and then send that one letter to all of the agencies listed at our Resource Page.  We also have information on banking terms on this page along with other helpful tips like

  • Close any other accounts that you have at that bank so they cannot freeze those accounts
  • Turn off any direct deposits you have going into that account
  • Turn off any automatic payments or withdrawals you have coming out of that account
  • Open an account at another bank

Also, for support from others who have been in your shoes, you can talk to other scam victims at our message board.  Many people find this to be like an online therapy session.

Letters

Have you ever wanted to write a letter to a company or business about a customer service issue, debt collection or identity theft issues but did not know how to get started? Wouldn’t it be nice if there was a website with “sample letters” for you to look before you write your letter, and suggested important information for you to include in that letter? Well, there is.

The Privacy Rights Clearinghouse has a page with just that information for you!

Writing a letter to our elected officials and government agencies is the way we can make our voice and opinions heard, and this site can really help you get started if you feel like you are having “writer’s block”.

Fraud Fighting Forum

AARP and the BBB is holding a Fraud Fighters Forum on April 20th in Golden Valley, Minnesota.

You can read the details of the event here.

Attorney General Lori Swanson will be there, along with other top officials, to show you how to spot and stop fraud.

Hear about the crimes that affect Minnesotans and what members of the law enforcement are doing to combat criminal activity. Experts will cover the topics of:

Financial schemes
Investment fraud
Health care fraud
Identity theft

With the right information, you can avoid becoming a victim of fraud